Reflecting on August 7th

This morning I was thinking of William’s upcoming MRI on December 1st, and it triggered a lot for me in regards to what the last few years have been like for as us as a family. I guess up until now we were all hoping that William wouldn’t need open heart surgery, his hole would maybe close and that there was nothing else wrong with his heart. I remember how hard it was to hear at his appointment on August 7th,2015 that we will need to move forward and he will need open heart surgery. William not only has a hole in his heart but he also has a pulmonary vein draining oxygenated blood from his lungs into the wrong chamber of his heart. His heart has one chamber that is enlarged. I sat there holding my two year old with waterfall-like tears running down my eyes and not being able to understand anything else everyone was saying. It was like I was in a dream. I knew Regan, my husband was asking all the right questions but I couldn’t hear what they were saying, nothing was registering. I had thoughts running through my head of was there anything else I could have done while I was pregnant, is this my fault, why is this happening etc. After we left there I knew that none of our appointments going froward were going to be like these past few. They were no longer going to be check-ups and that each appointment would only get harder. My mom had been watching Carly for the day so Regan and I decided that we would stay in Saskatoon and take the kids to the new park by the river. We all just needed to have some fun after the long day at the hospital. Now all we can do is wait and prepare for his MRI. The unknown is hard.

2 thoughts on “Reflecting on August 7th

  1. I hate those voices that run through my head too. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done. You are a great mother (really outstanding actually). Plus, you are lucky you live here and now where open heart surgery is scary but available and with good outcomes. Still, I imagine it’s really hard to wait and wonder. Stay strong. We are thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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